In 2014, I became a photographer.

I’d always loved photography, and since I’d trained in it since I was 13, I was very good at it. For a while, it was wonderful and the money — when I waded through the requests for free work — was good. But after my 9,000th missed weekend, my second slow winter, and my third no-call-no show consultation, I realized that I’d always loved taking photos of what I wanted, not for people who didn’t appreciate what I do. So I hung up my camera, sold off a lot of my equipment, and left photography for whenever the hell I felt like.

I like it better that way.

In 2016, I started the NYAM Project.

Don’t bother looking for anything related to it, because I scrubbed much of it from the internet, not because I was ashamed of it, but because…well…we’ll get to that. Let’s back up a bit.

So. The NYAM Project. It came to me as I was navigating my foray into adulthood with a new little girl and a toddler son. It started admittedly out of vanity, because I was sick of people not giving a shit about who I was, or where I came from because they felt they already knew all they needed to know about me. I had kids, so I was a mom, which meant I was sexless, hapless, and probably under the impression that my children were entitled to the world wiping their asses until the end of time. No further questions, nothing to see here.

I knew I was more than that knew that this attitude was rampant and hurtful to others beside me, so NYAM became my mission. I took photos of other mothers and included their stories. I started a Facebook group and a podcast. I posted regularly about it on Instagram and watched my following balloon to tens of thousands of others. I loved it. It was a true passion for me.

But, as it is with most fun things, I didn’t make any money from it. I’d ask from time to time for donations, but never received any. And I didn’t sell classes, or workshops, or merch (though I did try that, too, and it flopped spectacularly), so I didn’t have anything people wanted to throw dollars at me for. And, because I’m that heady mixture of ADHD and impatient perfectionist, I decided that NYAM was dead and that I needed to let it go. So, instead of just saying a lovely goodbye and leaving it up just in case, I went nuclear and scrubbed it all from the internet. Because nothing that brings me joy without making me money can ever exist in public, as it’s just a testament to my failure.

In 2020, I became an antiracist educator.

George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery brought out the ugliness in a lot of people I’d called friends, in my neighbors, in colleagues. Soon, I was posting regularly about racism, about the things I’d been through growing up as a Black woman, only to have may of those tens of thousands who loved to laugh with me, leave.

“We liked you better when you weren’t political.” They’d say. “Go back to talking about parenting.”

And I tried to balance both, I really did. But with every post brigaded by hateful racists, with every morning that I’d wake up crying, insisting that my home country didn’t even want me here, with every comment demanding more of my heart, I realized I dont’ have the patience to be an educator about something that is so close to who I am. So I hung up that hat and chose to stand up for, and support, others who do it instead.

In 2021, I became an ADHD coach.

This being my umpteenth reinvention of self, I was sure that, this time, I would pick this and own it. And I’ve been this for two years.

I only talk about ADHD on social media. Post about it on all channels. Write about it. Do interviews about it. Every time I do a poll on Instagram, asking what I should talk about next, I get the same answers:

“I want to hear more about ADHD and how it works.”

“I want more about how you got diagnosed.”

“I want more about kids and ADHD.”

“I can also teach you guys about wood betony.” I’ll offer. “Or talk a bit mroe about my kids and the funny things they do.”

“Do either of these things help my ADHD?” They ask. “Because if not, then no.”

And the cycle continues.

But I’ve been doing this long enough at this point to realize that the feeling I’m experiencing isn’t that I suddenly hate coaching, or that I’m “over” talking about ADHD. Instead, I’ve since come to realize that, like many of those with brains like mine, I don’t do well when I’m forced to focus on one thing.

I’ve seen it time and again in others. They’re really good at something, they’re paid to do it, and then that’s all they’re known for. People really like simplicity, see, and it’s much easier to say “that’s Michelle, the seamstress,” than it is to have to describe her somehow else. It’s more comfortable for others if they have a mental category to put you under. Not to be rude, it’s just how the human brain works.

But when they’re like me, they get bored. They want someone — anyone–to ask them something else. To be allowed to explore, to follow other interests and hobbies that may work out other parts of their brain that they don’t often get to honor. And after a while, they get sick of the same thing over and over. And then…they quit.

It’s now 2023, and I’m not planning on quitting anytime soon.

Instead, I’m going to do what little I can to start changing the narrative. Maybe that means that someone will look at this website, get annoyed with my lack of linearity, my utter deficiency of cohesiveness, and they’ll turn around and walk away.

But I’m not talking to them. I’m talking to you. If you’re still reading this, I’m assuming that you’ve either long since zoned out and forgot you were reading, or you’re like me. And I want you to know that we’re not that different; we’ve just been flying under the radar, because we thought that’s what we were supposed to do: blend in, pick one thing, stick with it, keep it simple.

We’re meat bags piloted by a supercomputer. The last thing we are is “simple.”

So if you’re here, hoping to hear that it’s okay to love many things, to define yourself multiple ways, and to follow what your gut tells you, then that’s just what I aim to do.

Welcome. It’s good to have you here.